Monday, 9 August 2010

Raindrops on roses.

See, it's happened already. My blogging has dwindled almost to nothing.

I've sussed it though. You see, I find it quite easy to write about things I dislike. My 2000 page epic novel, 'My Brass Knuckles: The Clare Sweeney adventure', is shortly to be published by Pan Macmillan.

But I'm generally a happy chap. It's a quandary. I like writing, but I tend to do it to the best of my ability when i'm a bit fed up about something. So I have set myself a challenge, and I will write a little bit about five things I like. But not all at once.


1 - Books.
I can read anywhere. On the bus, on a train, up a tree. Upside down. Back to front. I love reading so much that, as long as it's in english I'll read it. Jen told me off the other day in the car as I was reading the label on a jar of Mayonnaise. But if I hadn't been reading that, we wouldn't now know that there are 3000 calories in a jar of Mayonnaise. Now who's foolish?
There is just something so special about a book, just knowing that for at least a few hours, possibly for a few days or even weeks, you're going to be immersed in another place. The fact that you have no choice but to get involved when you're reading a book - that the characters have no faces unless you create them, the places have no scenery until you see it in your mind. It's special.
Some people do not read. I pity them. Some people WILL not read. I ignore their existence.

Friday, 9 July 2010

Bigots are ugly

So, about 2 months ago, myself and Mr Foxon (my genial chum with the fabulous Nordic stylings) are having a chat.
Well, I say a chat, what's actually happening is i'm rabbiting on and he's nodding and humouring me in his genial, nordically styled way.

"Have you noticed," I begin to generalise in a way that I hate when other people do it, "that people with mixed race parentage," (and here I quoted a few examples, including I seem to recall Johnny Depp and Tia Carrere, although why she popped up I know not ), "tend to be quite attractive?"

"And, it occurs to me now,", me thinking I have stumbled upon a fundamental truth of life, " People who would oppose such unions between people of different races, well, they tend to be a bit minging." (and here I quoted a few examples, including Hitler, Nick Griffin and, probably, Plug from the Bash Street Kids).

"I suppose, what I'm basically saying, is, right, Bigots are ugly".

I think Mr Foxon agreed with me. Or maybe I'd just talked him into submission. Anyway, I decided, 'Bigots are ugly' was a slogan for a new generation, a rallying cry. And if not, at least it'd look good on a t-shirt.

You see, I tend to think things could be a lot better sometimes if we simplify things. Killing people is bad, so don't have wars. People being upset is bad, so don't be nasty to them. And intolerance of another person on the grounds of race, sex, sexuality, and a hundred thousand other things is not just bad, it's silly. And sometimes the simple and the silly is the best way to try and fight something.

So, today, I got my t-shirt. It's fantastic. I have no doubt some people will think I am trivialising a very important issue. Some people will no doubt take issue with the t-shirt. I am waiting patiently for the day someone says to me "Oh yeah, so what's a bigot then?". I look forward to turning my back on them. Basically, it's a statement I agree with so much I don't understand why I never thought of it before.

Oh, and thanks of course must go to Mr Foxon. He made the t-shirt. He's not a bigot, and is therefore so much more beautiful than those who are.

Thursday, 8 July 2010

My Old Cat

(Hal Summers)

My old cat is dead,
Who would butt me with his head.
He had the sleekest fur.
He had the loudest purr.
Always gentle with us,
Was this black puss,
But when I found him today
Stiff and cold where he lay,
His look was a lion's,
Full of rage and defiance;
Oh, he would not pretend
That what came was a friend
But met it in pure hate.
Well died, my old cat.

low rumble

And don't get me started on the bloody Pope.

In the news

Daily, more and more, my hatred for TV news grows. 'The Day Today' was supposed to be a parody, for Bruce's sake.

Raoul Moat - it's now been going on 6 days. There is nothing new to report. That's okay though, because they can just make stuff up. Not spoken to his mum for 20 years? That'll take up a good few minutes. Didn't look like evil incarnate when he was 4? a minute and a half of amateur psychoanalysing. Once scowled at a neighbour's cat? 30 seconds of solid airtime.

Now, some say we can't blame the 'media', and i'm italicising that because it's a very wide ranging title and I'm referring very specificly at the moment to 'news'. They say they are only giving the public what they want. I say the public are idiots, who are told what they want, and believe it. Jordan sells more books than Murakami. People watch documentaries about Kerry Katona, and Flight of the Conchords languishes on late night BBC3. Yes, it's a snobbish, elitist point of view. It's also true, so shut up.

This is, of course, just a moan for moaning's sake. It's not going to change, it's going to get worse. And maybe i'm wrong. Maybe Cheryl Cole having Malaria is more important than the 1.5-2.7 million deaths each year from Malaria of people who aren't Cheryl Cole. Maybe the uncle of someone who once lived next door to someone who was in Grange Hill being slightly effeminate is more important than the fact that 93 nations in the world still legally punish homosexuality, 7 with the death penalty. It's just a bit, well, sad.

Wednesday, 7 July 2010


I've started quite a few blogs over the years. Some have lasted a while, some not long at all. All have been sporadic at best. This will be no different.